Sleeping habits.

Something has to give and it ethier my sanity or a regimented sleeping pattern I am not a betting man which is good as the odds don't feel to great for ethier horse.

I don't even think this song is that much of a new tune for me to sing it's certain that being asleep at the right times isn't something I feel comfertable with but it is something that I have to do so that I can do the things I need to do.

...and I have tooth ache,I am a little afraid of dentist but that's a poor excuse everyone is to a degree,well unless you have hollywood teeth.

Oh I know I promised this blog would be a place about me moaning about my stuff I suppose that makes me the lamest rebel alive,swap Marlon Brando with a skinny,unsure pale Englishman and the Norton with an oyster card and you kind of get the picture of the type of rebel I am. I sometimes place my forehead against my reflection and stare at myself just wondering why I don't have a clue or if I do and I just don't know what clues look like.

I need to write this however because the whole idea is that I can look back at this and see where I have come from and see that I am able to lift myself up from being down. The blog as a whole reads up and down,it's quite insightful and I am glad I didn't put a total ban of mentioning my private life on here as well...there is a degree of sucsess there.

Hope is something I always hold onto and life can't wrestle that from my hands and I dearly wish for that to be true for you the reader(all 3 of you...well I say three but the ratings arn't in yet :P ).

Maybe in a new series of Cracker Robbie Coltrane could use blogs as a method to gain a phsycological sense of anatomy for his suspect.

Mind you it would be a short episdoe if there was only one entry written that read:

"I done dem murders and kilt all dem people...signed Tony Bobbed"

Yeah well you may have not laughed but an attempt at a sense of humour drags you through the dregs of cyclic depression ;)

Have a good night/day.

Tribute.

Rest In Peace [i]Andrea Waddell[/i] a former nieghbour and a person who cared for others and the enviroment around her.

Taken in the cruelest manner but now in a place where no cruelty exsists:

In the time that past...

...I managed to pass my massage course and I was sent the certificates through the post but not before I started to panic as to weather they would reach me AT ALL!

However they did and now I have a skill that I am unsure as to how I can get into the work place with,there are ways but I don't have my own place yet and there is a massive slump in the jobs market.

I should be getting some sort of practice but it's been more difficult than you would imagine :/

What you have to remember.

I think it's important to know that your feelings are only justified for yourself,don't think for one second another feels the same.

You can never assume,it's an unfair practice you have to be careful you have to be aware. Expect to be in trouble if you let yourself feel too much because those warm waters can grow cool and make you feel ill.

Neevr wallow.

Always feel secure in being a fool because living means falling and fooling encourges this.

I think the worst piece of advice I was ever given was..."be yourself".

Spellin aynd grammar....!?

I have been reading my blog and it has come to my attention that at times it hurts to read it because of all the damn spelling errors and poor grammar.

I am working on this as I like to call myself a writer(but you probably call me something else) so I think I better act a bit more like one :/

NOT on these Shores.

BNP and all you kin be of no unsure mind or confused state that you prey on this country with insidious means and employing tools of treachery
Your party inflates social demons with your gaseous speeches that serve only one purpose,to drive exhilarated fear in the hearts of Britain's people like a super-fuel into the engine of a motorcar.

If you can get us to loathe and despair those different from us and those in the minority in this nation because of your self created beasts your spoils are panic stricken votes submitted by people who believe in the deluded notion that you can withdraw a fictional poison which would sooth or ills.

The BNP swirl illusions that they are the vanguard of a moral vision,that they foster a dream that only the true grain of Britain's wholesome bread consists of.
If this thin veneer is what you the voter is fooled by be prepared for the bleak bitter taste of intolerance to wash back up and the members of the party to vomit black tidal waves of freezing,constricting totalitarian vomit.

Unworry about it.

Worrying is a huge waste of time if you don't actually have anything that demands your immediate attention to fix.

So the basic idea is if you have your health why worry?

I think if you live anywhere within reach of of a tap and a hot meal you will know that as noble as that sentiment is,it's not enough.

Still it's apparent that we worry about a LOT more than we should and worry is at detriment to achieving the things we want. Strange thing is we worry about the things we haven't done,lack in our lives,or the defficencys of our character/physicality's.

However the more we worry about them the less we do about them case in point ME ....so what do I worry about...well have a look:

- Not getting a job

- Ending up living at home the rest of my life

- Not finding someone to love

- My weight (surprisingly I need to put it on)

- Thinking every nasty thing that people have said about me is completely true and I have hardly any redeeming features.

That last one is a biggie and a bit complex but it's there never the less,anyway I worry about all these things but none of them are life threatening,none threaten me with immideate danger.
So logically they shouldn't be on my mind as things that make me sick with fear...they do but it doesn't make complete sense.

So if I stopped thinking about so much it terms of things that I feel are of grave concern than there is more chance of me doing something about them.
The other fact is that when you just let yourself be you find that some things do not have a lot of evidence to back them up.

The last worry inparticular....I could pick far more false examples of me being nasty than I could real ones. Nobody is perfect so accepting the real ones as part of human nature just paints you as a normal person the false ones are only made because you feel you have to justify the fear in the first place.

Being in the moment and getting lost in that moment also makes for a good way to exorcise worry the past and future are ether gone and lost or unrealised and unmade respectively.

So why worry about something that you have no control over if it has passed or indeed sabotage because it is yet to become.

I think if I get lost in anything in life it's worry,it's the fear of no matter what I do I ruin it for myself because I am afraid to do well but the good thing is if I am my own enemy I know myself better than anyone. Hence I know how to make friends with myself better than anyone.

I am quite sure because I have clean water,food,a roof over my head and people who love me I feel that I may need something to worry about because it's unnatural to have everything you need.

The good thing about writing all this in a blog is that I don't know who reads it,I don't know if they think it's good or bad and most of all I don't get advice or punishment for saying what I have.

One thing I have learned through depression and worry and that's the future is still exciting because I have been in times where I could have done something stupid but in truth never had the guts to carry out.
Then from seemingly out of nowhere something/someone amazing has come into my life and changed me and my world.

Places my have gone people my no longer be in my life but their effect is still there and in end the positive outweighs the negative tenfold.






What do we learn from this?

I don't know ether....but giving yourself a hug maybe a clue ;)